today

okay so as u can guess i'm not a capt in any shape or form. i would like to be one day lol a pirate can u see it..

i am sitting here in front of the comp just siting here.. thinking.. of my past or my future.. of my present.. i have been having some paranoid thoughts lately about what it is that makes me happy.. what it is that i want out of life.. what it is that i'm supose to do about this life. i know i love my girlfriend. and i love our kids. i might get scared sometimes.. a momentary lapse of cofidence i guess.. i know it do get scared.. forever is a long time. and its not what u think.. its not my fear or being fateful or anything of that nature. its the fear of fucking up. what if i cant be the rock this family needs.. what if the pressures or society get the better of us? what if the kids stop liking me and would rather have a real daddy rather then a lookalike lesser version of the real thing. i'm not saying that will happen but i mean its one of the things i worry sometimes about.. when i have my depressed spells or just sheer loneliness.

i dont know what i'm really supose to put here. or what this thing is really for. but i have decided to make it my own and be all the space i need to have for my thoughts, my doubts and the passions of my relationship.

i have the best g/f in the word. i have everything i have ever wanted. she's just amazing. she sets me on fire every touch of her skin.